CHAPTER 7 – Being Great Alone And Together

In order for your relationship to work, you need to be comfortable not being with your partner all the time, and, due to distance, get used to it.

Of course, you should talk to each other when you have time on the phone or through the camera on the computer, but because you can’t be on your phone the whole day, you have to be happy that you’re in this relationship even when you aren’t chatting.

Being great alone and together is very important to the survival of your long distance relationship.

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Avoid the Pity Party

Being in a long distance relationship can surely stink for some people.

There are just days when you just wish to curl up with your partner and tell them all about your day. But you can’t.

But, you made the decision of staying together with your partner, and you knew that it would hard at times.

So, acknowledge that it is hard, but keep in mind what is behind it and remember all of the reasons for which the two of you are together.

But, if you keep going back to that pity party, several things might happen that are not so healthy for you, personally, and for your relationship.

Firstly, you will become bitter that you have to deal with all that distance, and you might even start acting differently towards your partner.

And, truth be told, negativity is infections, so the next time you know – your partner is all the way down to that pity party themselves.

You two will really have a hard time if all you do is pity yourselves. This will take away the energy for spending time with each other and enjoying that the two of you are together after all – and that is what the most important thing is.

Instead, acknowledge that this is a choice you made and just remember all the good things that made you make this decision in the first place.

It is all terribly romantic when you think about it.

You are not the slave of circumstances, but someone who loves the other person so dearly that you are willing to take all that effort and challenges to make it work.

Enjoying Solo Time

With every relationship, too much talking can take a toll on you mentally and sometimes you need some time from all the chatting.

Besides, it’s best to talk to each other couple times a day and really have something important to say to each other or just to see how things are going than to blab about your day for 45 minutes straight.

Yet again, it can really be depressing when you want to see your partner but you know that isn’t possible at the moment and you start to feel bitter, grumpy and overall in a bad mood. This is very bad because it can lead to you transferring that negative energy to your partner.

So, when you’re not talking to your partner and have some free time to do the things you want to do, you should enjoy that alone time and really start doing something that can make you a better person.

Some activate you can do in your spare time include:

1. Reading books – Books not only make you more informed about general things but also reading books is a great habit to have, especially if you want to wander off from the stress of everyday life.
2. Sports/ going to the gym – Keeping fit is important, not just for your physical appearance and health but also because you’ll feel better about yourself and have increased confidence.
3. Meditation – Meditating and practicing yoga is a great way to relieve stress and achieve mindfulness, so you can give that a try.
4. Taking up a hobby – Hobbies are a great way to spend your free time. Whether it is collecting stamps, watching the stars at night through a telescope or any other hobby, it’s always great to have some interests which fill out your day.
5. Hang out with friends – Your friends can always cheer you up and give you some advice if you start feeling low and also going to the pub for a few drinks will surely get your mind off the fact that you can’t see your partner right now.

Do these things with the intent to fill out your day with all sorts of activities, build a life for yourself, and learn to be alone but don’t forget that you’re in a relationship and also try to find happiness by yourself so you can share it with others.

The point here is that you have lots of things to do apart from talking to your partner on the phone, and when you start enjoying your free time and using it for something productive you’ll become much more caring and happier which is surely going to help you maintain the relationship.

Having some time to yourself is quite a blessing if you consider how busy we are in our lives, so use it wisely and do the things you enjoy doing.

Taking Care of the Relationship

It’s not always easy in a relationship, especially a long distance one. But there are ways you can manage your relationship and build a healthy environment for you and your partner.

The thing is that a relationship is a commitment on both parts, and you both are expected to support one another and watch each other’s back.

Of course, you can’t control your partner’s actions and feelings, but what you can do is try to be the best version of yourself and always be completely honest.

Taking care of the relationship isn’t just about talking. It’s about knowing the needs of the other person and putting them in front of your own needs when it’s necessary.

Also, you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others, and what I mean by that is to take care of your emotions and train yourself to be strong when things aren’t going as planned.

Emotional Stability

Emotional stability is not something we’re born with, rather we develop it by the age of 7, and it’s harder to acquire traits like confidence, maturity, and independence later on because we don’t think about those things before we actually realize that we’re not happy in our lives and then we seek out who to blame.

The truth is the perpetrator is always you and no one else. You can blame your parents, friends, the government and so on, but at the end of the day, you are the one who is in control of your life, and you have the obligation of taking care of yourself.

Ways of you being more emotionally stable include:

1. Become more mature – You need to grow up. And this has nothing to do with age because there are people who are well into their thirties and are still acting like children.
2. Be more confident in yourself – Confidence is everything. If you have trust in yourself, not only will you become a better person but also a better partner for your significant other, better worker and a better citizen if you ask me.
3. Don’t be insecure – The truth is, no one wants to date a loser. And if you even somehow manage to find someone who is willing to be in a relationship with you, guess what. You’re then just a loser with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Try to be comfortable with yourself before you bring another person in your life.
4. Be calm – No matter what happens in your life, try to remain as calm as possible. When you’re stressed out or angry, you just build up negative energy, which, eventually you’ll start expressing those emotions to other people, and obviously no one wants to deal with that.
5. If you feel depressed, get help – Depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses are no laughing matter. If you feel that you need someone to talk to then talk to your friends and family, or, if that doesn’t work, go to a skilled psychiatrist.

 Of course, there are many other things people should work on when it comes to being emotionally stable and if you work on yourself before you jump into any relationship not only will you be able to get through hard times but also you’ll be able to back up your partner at any time.

The Health of Your Relationship

Truth be told, long-distance relationships are harder to handle than standard relationships and mainly because when you spend some time with a person, you learn how to adapt to their needs and behavior.

Because that isn’t always possible in a relationship such as this one, your only option is to have a strong emotional bond with your partner.

And the way you do that is by showing them that you care, not being boring but rather always trying to be fun and exciting and also by balancing the time in between when you’re not together.

Call your partner at least twice a day – once in the morning and once before bed. This will produce a schedule meant for talking on the phone and will create a routine for both of you. Of course, if you’re not busy, you can call your partner multiple times a day, but if you are, then try to make at least two calls.

Another thing you should do is when you finally get to spend some time together, connect with your partner on a deeper level, that way, when you have to be separated, you both have something to hold on to before you meet up again. 

Besides, you will encounter a whole lot of situations where you will have to make decisions for what is best for your relationship, and it’s always a good idea to ask yourself is the decision you’re making beneficial for the relationship.

By communicating and seeing what is in the best interest for both of you will allow you to make the right decisions, thus creating a healthy and stable relationship.

Other’s Support

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, surely you will need support from your friends and family, although they can be a bit sceptic at times.

Your friends just want the best for you and don’t want you to end up catfished andbeing hurt, so you should consider their advice, but if the relationship is going well and you’ve met the person you’re talking through the phone or the internet, then you shouldn’t really care what other people think.

Some people right off the back will say that long-distance relationships can’t ever work out because you can’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t see every day. But this also isn’t true, and there are many cases of long-distance relationships which lasted much longer than ordinary ones.

If you’re surrounded with people who constantly talk negatively about your relationship, try not to soak up that negativity and, if possible, stray away from such people.

Besides, your partner should be the primary source of emotional support, even though he or she isn’t physically there. Absence doesn’t mean that a person will stop caring for you if you communicate regularly and always have things to say to each other. As a matter of fact, it can even make the relationship stronger.

Of course, if for some reason you see that things aren’t working out in your relationship, you should take advice from someone who knows you well enough, because they can observe your situation objectively and can maybe give you some helpful tips.

In the end, it is up to you to make decisions about your relationship, so take advice from other people, but don’t make their words your final words.

Loneliness

Practically in any relationship, you can feel lonely at times, and this is because people tend to latch on to another person just because they don’t want to feel alone anymore and not because they like them. And this is a problem because it’s better to be alone without anyone than to be with someone and feel alone.

Another major problem is that a long-distance relationship means that you’re not with your partner all the time physically and that too can be quite annoying and make you feel lonely.

You see a pattern here – feeling lonely isn’t the same as being alone. Because being alone sometimes is good for you as it allows you to focus more on yourself and be productive as opposed to feeling lonely, which can lead to depression and anxiety.

So how do you tackle loneliness? What should you do to not feel alone in a long-distance relationship?

Well, first things first, you need to direct your attention from the fact that you’re feeling lonely to a more positive mindset and accept the fact that, at times, we as humans do feel lonely and it’s all normal.

Loneliness is a basic human emotion and isn’t something you should be ashamed of rather you should talk to your partner about it and see how he or she reacts and if they understand the position you’re in right now.

Who knows, maybe your partner is feeling lonely too, which at the end of the day just means that you miss each other and when you finally do meet up, you will have an even tighter bond.

Remember that pleasure means that you don’t get the things you want right when you want them, but they feel more rewarding once you’ve been patient enough to wait for them.