When we think or talk about dating, we usually have this idea of two open, extrovert, and outgoing people who start talking and laughing, having hit off right away.
However, that is not often the case. Even the people who crave for less attention from others want (and try) to get a date.
Being shy is nowadays more acceptable for women. If a woman is shy, that is okay, she is even more of a challenge for a guy.
But what happens with shy guys? Why is that a taboo? Does he have to be loud and the most noticeable in a group in order to seem eligible?
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That is still a stigma in today’s society.
So, for all you guys who are labeled as shy, let us take a look at what girls really think about you!
First of all, we have to bear in mind that people have different opinions and preferences.
While some girls are attracted to alpha males who are the leaders for their respective groups, not all girls do.
Some of them are actually more into you, shy and not so loud guys. There are many advantages that guys like you bring with them.Is your dating app giving you the best chance for success? Make sure to take our online dating site/app quiz to find out. People who follow our dating site suggestions have on average 2 more dates per month.
Reasons Why Girls Like Shy Guys
Girls are tender beings. In the long run, they want someone who will take care of them, who is gentle and caring.
Some of the characteristics that a girl wants her perfect men to have are an emotional presence, curiosity about her, awareness, vulnerability, acceptance, equality.
All these traits are found in shy men.
For all we know, shy guys do not talk very much.
There may be a number of reasons for this, but we will not go into this right now. What is so great about these guys is that they make great listeners.
And this is not a bad thing! These guys listen to what others are telling them. And girls actually dig this!
Generally, girls have a different manner of communication than men. The central place in their communication is listening, hearing what the other person wants to say rather than just what they say.
They like to listen, but they also want to be listened to.
Guys communicate on a different level – with fewer words and less listening. Shy guys have one foot out of this commonality, thus having a great advantage in girls’ eyes.
All you shy guy out there, use this advantage and go get your girls – they will appreciate your attention!
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The previous characteristic is extended to this one.
If you are a shy guy, and you are a great listener, there is no reason why you should not be (or become) an excellent conversationalist!
If a guy listens attentively to what a girl is telling him, he will surely do his best to show interest in her and spark a conversation – as soon as he opens up.
Guys who really hear what others tell them, who absorb the information and stories, obtain a wide array of topics to talk about. They will ask questions, comment on what they hear, and show genuine interest in the girl.
Guys, this is what girls appreciate! A girl will certainly fall for the guy who wants to know more about her, who remembers her stories, who can make a conversation last.
Of course, it is not good to talk solely about the girl. A guy who is a good conversationalist will share stories about himself as well.
When a shy guy opens up, the girl is in for a great treat – captivating stories, unusual hobbies, smart comments – all in all: a pleasurable time together she will not want to end.
Shy guys are not about showing off in front of friends and being the center of attention. In a big group, they are not the ones who will rush to action.
Quite the contrary, they are the ones who think, reflect, contemplate.
Their opinions are not superficial – when they have an opinion about something, it is backed by solid argumentation.
These deep thinkers enjoy talking about topics that interest them. Very often (though not always), they are ready to hear another side of a story, a different attitude towards a situation.
A girl will think much of a guy who is keen on hearing her opinion and taking it into consideration.
A shy guy, a deep thinker that he is, will hold in high regard a girl not only with whom he can share his views, but also who has and is willing to share hers with him.
Full of Surprises
A guy who is not an extrovert can be boring if he does nothing interesting with his life if he is pessimistic and does not have hobbies.
However, a great number of shy guys are actually very interesting – when they open up.
It may take time, but it is usually worth it!
Girls are patient and are willing to wait a bit and get to know a guy they like. Be that as it may, a guy should give her something to hold on to.
If you are a shy guy and it is hard for you to open up, do try to show at least a small part of your interesting personality to give her a glimpse of what treat she is in for and to let her know that you are worth the wait.
Many shy guys have unusual hobbies and can make the girl want to know more about him.
Let’s compare introverts and extroverts in terms of the impression they leave on girls.
An extrovert may come off as somewhat intimidating, especially to a girl who is a bit of an introvert herself. This guy enjoys being in the center of attention, he likes showing off and being the centerpiece of every conversation.
What happens in this situation is he does not pay much attention to her and she feels that she is a kind of a subordinate party in the conversation.
A guy who is an introvert tends to pay more attention to the girl. This is good provided that not ALL attention is on her.
If a shy guy manages to find a balance between speaking himself and letting her speak, he has certainly scored a winning goal! He will not be as intimidating as the scary extrovert.
And the girl will appreciate it!
As many show-offs, these guys tend to make up fascinating stories about themselves. This is their way to boost their confidence and remain the alpha males on the thrones on which they placed themselves. Very often, they are not genuine.
Similarly, a girl can hear an enchanting story from a shy guy. With one difference – his story, on the contrary, will most certainly be genuine!
Shy guys are genuine, their stories are real, what they say about themselves is true. Though it may take some time for them to get there.
For most girls, this is worth the wait.
While many guys, especially those with a lot of experience with girls, will tell a girl exactly what they think she wants to hear, a genuine and shy guy is not expected to do that.
He will be honest. He believes that sincerity is very important for any relationship, be it the one that is just beginning to unfold on the first date or even before that, during the first conversation.
And many girls will agree that they want a guy like this.
If we take into consideration all of the amazing characteristics of shy guys that are mentioned above, we can conclude that they are top-notch advisors.
Being good listeners and conversationalists, they have the capability to gather information about a problem their sweetheart has.
Since they are deep thinkers, they are able to think about a problem and truly get to the bottom of it.
This characteristic fits well with both men’s nature and women’s manner of communication.
Men are there to help women, to be their protectors and help them when they are in need. A girl with a problem makes a guy want to help her instinctively. A shy, contemplative guy, when seriously interested in a girl, will make a choice to help her in any way that he can.
The critical thinking skill that a shy guy may have is really a magnet for girls.
There is just one possible problem – staying in the friend zone. Shy guys, this is something to look out for.
Politeness is definitely one of the top traits you link with a person who usually sits quietly or talks with someone in a corner. You are less likely to pin this virtue to the loudest person in a group.
Believe it or not, girls prefer the first kind of guy with good manners!
If you think about it, all of the abovementioned traits lead up to this one.
A polite person listens to others, is able to maintain a decent conversation, thinks clearly and does not make up stories. They are genuine indeed and are willing to give great advice.
These characteristics are on almost every girl’s list of the virtues of a perfect man.
Shy guys have them, or they are able to draw them from the bottom of their souls.
If you belong to this group and do not have a girlfriend, do not worry. Just gather the courage to start talking with a girl, and she will realize very soon that you are a wonderful young man.
How to Gain Confidence If You Are a Shy Guy?
Extroverts and introverts are both attractive for girls, though in different ways, or to phrase it better – because of different things.
The key for both is confidence. Confidence is the difference as well. Shy guys do not exhibit (or sometimes posses) their confidence as well as those who are not shy.
Remember that extroverts are not better people than introverts! They are just more skilled at showcasing their strengths.
But there is no reason for introverts to be discouraged and give up! This is a skill that can be learned and practiced!
So, we will help you gain self-esteem in the field of dating and have you own all the abovementioned reasons for being eligible for women.
The method is very simple – do not let your shyness overshadow your amazing personality! If you follow our guidelines, you will manage to bring to light everything that is great about you.
The steps you need to take are divided into three groups: building the foundation, developing the mindset, testing your skills in the field.
1. Building the Foundation
- Start with your physical looks.
This may sound strange, but being satisfied with how you look will definitely boost your overall confidence. And girls feel that.
Even if your hair has grown a bit longer than it usually is or you have put on a bit more weight – put a smile on your face and spray your favorite perfume. You will be irresistible.
Before you go out next time, take some time to shower and trim your beard, put on your best clothes, and enjoy being yourself.
- Master a field of skill or knowledge.
Having solid knowledge about a topic or being skilled at something is a great point when the topic comes up in a conversation.
Immerse yourself in learning something new. For an introvert, having information is an invaluable asset, so it is a good move to take advantage of that.
- Deal with negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts are a powerful enemy. Do not catastrophize – things are usually not as bad as they seem.
So, a girl you asked out rejected you. It is not the end of the world. Pick up the pieces and go on. Maybe she will say yes another time. Maybe some other girl will appear. You never know.
Also, avoid the mindset that does not allow you to think outside the black-white spectrum.
Not everything is either black or white. Things do not have to be perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes.
2. Developing the Mindset
- Accept shyness as normal.
Shyness is normal! When you are in a group, try not to label yourself as shy. Do not equal yourself with this one trait – you are much more worthy.
Do not forget that a person is an individual with many traits; it is up to each of them to decide which will be presented as the most valuable and which will remain private.
This is especially important when you are meeting a girl. Talk about your good sides, show her that you are much more than a guy who does not like to be exposed.
- Fight social anxiety.
There are bound to be socially awkward moments.
This does not happen only to you, it happens to everyone. What makes the difference is how each person deals with them.
Shy people, since they are deep thinkers, may reflect too much about what made them feel uncomfortable. But life would be much easier if they did not do that.
So, an awkward thing happened – forget about it and move on. Other people have probably already forgotten that.
If you just cannot forget, try to present it as a funny story. Tell it to the girl you like – she will see you as a funny guy without a complex. A win for you!
- Understand that not everyone needs to like you.
Extroverts do not care much about what other people think about them. This is something that shy people can learn from them.
Think of it this way – you do not like everyone you know and meet. In the same way, not everyone has to like you.
Once this attitude settles deep into your mind, you will feel less uncomfortable in social situations. Girls dig people who are confident in this way.
3. Testing Your Skills in the Field
- Start with small things.
Dealing with shyness is not a simple thing to do, especially if a guy wants to meet a girl.
To practice your self-confidence in concrete situations, start with small things – smile at the cashier in a supermarket, make a short comment to the woman in a bakery, or help a person in need when you are outside.
These small acts of kindness are a great start to make you feel relaxed and to prepare you for all the lovey-dovey stuff you will do when you take a girl out (yes, we know you will!).
- Participate in activities that have predetermined social roles.
This is another strategy to immerse yourself in more active contact with others.
If you volunteer in an organization, you will get a role to fulfill, which should take some of the anxiety off your back.
You will practice personal interaction, which will, in turn, make you more capable of opening up at a date and showing the girl you like how great you are.
- If you want to make it, fake it.
Or the more popular formulation: fake it till you make it.
This is really true! Fake having a lot of self-confidence (talk with many people, look them in the eyes, smile and laugh loudly), and you will one day notice that it comes naturally to you.
The reason is that you already have it, you are just not aware of it.
Shy guys are liked and wanted by girls. The problem is that they are not aware of that – their shyness may prevent them from reaching this realization.
You could read why shy and introvert guys are the preference of many girls.
If you belong to this group but are not sure how to take advantage of your personality, we provided a couple of guidelines that will help you bring out the best in you.