If you are on dating apps often, you probably already have some experience with ghosting or even just on social media in general.
No matter how often it has happened, it can still take a toll on your self-esteem, especially if there was a first date.
That’s why I’ve gathered everything relationship experts are saying on how not to get ghosted and will answer these questions:
Let’s get into the ins and outs of ghosting!
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Why People Ghost?
To avoid being ghosted in the future, it’s very important to understand why these things happen in the first place.
After all, when you have an experience with a ghoster, you usually end up wondering why it happened, so it will help with having some closure for yourself.
There are many reasons why people ghost other people before they start a romantic relationship, or some may even end overall healthy relationships like that.
However, all of these reasons can usually boil down to a few wider reasons.
So, if you’re ready to have a check-in with yourself, let’s see if you find your situation in some of these reasons.
I hope you do because that will help you to stop these situations.
1. Breakups Are Hard
If you’ve had even one breakup in your time, then you know that no matter what the circumstances were, breakups will inevitably be hard and hurt.
Even if you were in a toxic situation where you were looking forward to the breakup more than anything, or even if your ex was the type of person who is chill and everything was settled in a friendly manner, it’s undoubted that breakups tend to have a toll on your mental health.
And, contrary to what people usually believe, they hit both sides hard, no matter if you are the one who is breaking up or the one who is being broken up with.
When you’re the person who’s breaking up, that brings a big chunk of responsibility with it, and just disappearing and giving the silent treatment takes that responsibility off of people.
Well, it doesn’t truly disappear, but when people don’t do it directly, and they don’t say what they want, they have the illusion that they have it easy since they don’t need to deal with it.
Let’s be real, and ghosting is extremely easy to do.
It’s fast, easy, and convenient.
It doesn’t require any communication skills whatsoever, you don’t have to deal with phone calls, real-life insecurities, or uncomfortable text messages, and it doesn’t take much time.
Once you know that something so easy is a possible choice, it’s tempting to go for that instead of having a good talk.
Some people, usually people who actually have some respect for others, will resist that temptation and will go for the talk even if it hurts.
But, there are always people who value their convenience over everything, so it’s only expected that they will opt for ghosting when they decide that it is time to cut ties with you.
3. Saving Money And Effort
When you want to break up properly, that will usually require that you put in some effort and potentially some money, too.
You need to get up, get mentally ready for the conversation, and even have the energy to be somewhat of support for the other person potentially.
And if you want to play it really fair, then it will involve maybe some drinks or a goodbye dinner.
But, if you just opt for ghosting, all of that won’t be needed, and you will save time, effort, and money since everything you need to do can be done from your bed.
I guess blocking and unfriending someone everywhere could be considered a bit of a chore, but if they are experienced in this type of thing, it will take no effort whatsoever.
4. Too Busy To Play Nice
The following thing is probably one big red flag, so if you recognize someone who ghosted you in this description, you should be happy to have them out of your life, as they were definitely not the right person for you.
Some people, especially if they are more of an avoidant type, simply are too busy and don’t respect their partners enough that they just decide to ghost you.
They lost interest, and that’s the truth of it, so why would they need to play nice and pretend that it’s different, right?
That’s the mindset these people have.
They might have an idea how the ghosted people feel, they might not, but the thing is that even when they do, they truly do not care at all, no matter the amount of time and energy you spend on each other.
5. Not Realizing You Actually Care
In your dating life, you will come to the inevitable conclusion that sometimes you simply might not click with other people; the things you want from a relationship differ.
And similarly to that, people can see the same relationship very differently.
How we see a current relationship highly depends on what kind of past experiences we had, and you don’t have to be a clinical psychologist to know that.
So, while you might see a relationship as something with a lot of potentials and could turn into a long-term thing, the other person might see it as the most casual Tinder fling out there.
Now, I’m not saying that ghosting is OK if the thing you’re having is casual, but people are most likely to ghost when they see the relationship as something unimportant.
And, because that’s how they feel, they will assume that you share those feelings and that you will understand the situation and just be OK with it because it didn’t matter much to you, either.
6. They Just Forgot
Going on dating apps has become the most trending kind of dating nowadays, and when you go on there, you have the ability to start chatting with a lot of people, depending on what you’re looking for.
If you ever tried to just swipe right without much consideration, the chances are that you would get quite a lot of matches, especially if you’re a girl.
Now, imagine if you started a conversation with each of your matches and made sure that you kept the conversation going with all of them.
Inevitably, due to simply how our brains work, you will start forgetting to reply to some people.
If they were really incompatible with you, then the chances of you forgetting about them are going to get even higher.
That might be something that happened with a person you’re talking to.
While you were maybe looking for a relationship, they might have just wanted to chat with new people, and once they got bored, they just forgot.
It sounds a bit heartbreaking, yes, but it’s simply what the reality of online dating is.
10 Ways People Are Being Ghosted
You probably thought that ghosting is a very simple thing, all that happens is that the other person simply stops talking and responding to you, abandoning the conversation completely.
But, there are actually various types of ghosting, and knowing each of them will probably help you realize whether you’re getting ghosted.
Also, you might be ghosting someone without even realizing it, so this will be very helpful when it comes to identifying your behaviors and, hopefully, fixing them.
So, let’s see what the 10 most common ways in which you can be ghosted and ghost people are:
This is probably one of the newest terms that appear in the online dating space, as it was invented during the pandemic.
During lockdowns, people would most often have relationships where the dates were happening over websites like Zoom, and this term actually got its name from Zoom.
So, this situation is when you were communicating with someone strictly over Zoom or a similar platform, and out of nowhere, they just stop responding and showing up for your calls and virtual dates.
It makes a lot of sense that this one is considered a separate type of ghosting, as it happened so much and it affected a lot of people.
This one is not a form of ghosting where there was a permanent stop on the relationship, but it still is considered ghosting.
Just like in baseball, when you were benched, that means that the person you’re talking to is talking to multiple people, isn’t interested in you the most, but still wants to have you around.
Like a player would be benched during a baseball game, it doesn’t mean they are completely off the team; they just aren’t exactly what the team needs at this moment.
That’s what’s happening to you.
They kind of like you, they see some potential there, but they have a lot of options waiting for them, too.
If you are active on dating apps, you might be benching someone, too, without really realizing it.
You will identify this behavior by the short, uninterested replies, but despite the replies being that way, the person is still trying to remain in contact with you.
Breadcrumbing happens when the person is giving you the bare minimum but still kind of staying in contact with you, ensuring that you stay in their circle.
The reason why this is considered ghosting is that while they still are around, they usually aren’t really talking to you.
They might be liking your Instagram posts and seeing your stories, signaling to you that they aren’t going anywhere, but they at the same time aren’t doing much for the relationship.
This is usually a tactic that’s used by people who love to get attention from other people, and this is the way they sort of manipulate you to give it to them.
4. Catch And Release
You have probably met a few players in your dating journey.
You know, the people who live for the chase and make the chase be the most exciting thing in the world, but once they have you, they grow bored and simply move on to their next target.
These people are big red flags since this style of dating usually means that there are some commitment issues behind it.
They actually don’t want a relationship, and commitment is a nightmare for them, but it’s very unlikely that they’ll tell you that.
Usually, they might even promise you that they are planning on committing to you, but they are actually just saying that to get to you.
And once they do, they will just disappear.
Sometimes in relationships, one person will decide that they want to break up, but because of different reasons, they don’t want to say it directly.
But, since you’re already in a relationship, it wouldn’t make sense to just completely disappear at once, right?
Well, the process of cushioning is when the person decides they will ghost you, but in they first gradually prepare you for it, thinking that they are doing you a favor.
So they will start responding less and less, their responses might get colder, and overall, they will start to distance themselves.
They are doing this in hopes that you will start feeling less infatuated by them, so once they finally do ghost you and disappear, it won’t hurt you as much.
This is a very strange phenomenon, but it’s very common.
It occurs when a person ghosts you, but at the same time, they won’t leave you completely alone.
They will usually completely stop talking to you, so it will be their decision to stop the communication, but at the same time, they don’t want to completely abandon you, so they watch your Instagram stories or use different ways to haunt you.
This type of ghosting is a specific one that’s exclusive to the holiday season.
Marleying happens when someone who you used to talk to re-appears during the holidays because they need a date for Christmas or New Year’s, so they decide to hit you up.
But, once the holiday season is over, they just end up disappearing and ghosting you since they have no need for you anymore.
Just like haunting, this happens when someone stops talking actively to you but continues to follow you everywhere you go and keep an eye on everything you do.
Basically, just like the Moon orbits our Earth, they stay close but never renew the conversation that they ended themselves.
So, you had a conversation with this person, and it was going well, and then out of the blue, they disappeared and ghosted you.
You might have completely forgotten about them, and a lot of time might have passed since all of that took place.
But, out of nowhere, just like they disappeared, they appear again and start talking to you like nothing ever happened.
After they see how you are and what you’re up to, they will then disappear again, just as abruptly as the first time.
10. Slow Fade
In the end, we have the slow fade.
As you might have assumed from the name, this is what it’s called when someone starts gradually replying less and less until they finally stop talking to you completely.
So, they make sure that the relationship loses its quality, and then they just disappear.
How To Not Get Ghosted
Now that you know why people opt for ghosting, as well as what are the most common forms of ghosting, it’s finally time to see what you can do to make sure that this doesn’t happen.
Sure, it’s not completely up to you, and there can always be a chance of the person ghosting you either way, but the strategies you see below are going to be very helpful in preventing that situation.
You can opt for one strategy that suits you the most, but I would strongly advise you to find a way to naturally incorporate all of the things from this list in your dating life, even when you don’t think that they might ghost you.
What you have in front of you are not only anti-ghosting strategies but also just general things that will enhance your relationship if you start doing them regularly.
1. Make Plans
While people can still just not show up on something that you two were planning to do, making plans will generally make people more excited about the relationship you’re building, so they won’t have the reason to abandon it.
Make plans to go to things and do things together.
If you like the same music, ask them to go to gigs together, or if you bonded over a favorite film series, then it’s a great excuse to call them up and arrange a Netflix and chill.
Or maybe both of you are foodies and would enjoy checking out a new place that opened in your area.
The possibilities are endless when it comes to activities that you could do, so don’t be afraid to suggest them.
2. Ask Questions
If you are just starting out the conversation and it’s important that you keep them interested, asking questions is always a great thing to do.
Don’t ask too random questions; keep them relevant to the conversations that you had, and that will keep the other person interested and more invested in the conversation, again, ensuring that they won’t get bored and decide that ghosting is the way to go.
If this person is very interesting to you, you probably want to know a lot of things about them, so go with that and just keep asking them questions that you think they will enjoy answering, and that will, in the end, get you closer to each other.
3. Stay Mysterious
While being open is important, as that’s how you show that you’re interested in having them in your life, it’s best not to show all of your cards at once.
You shouldn’t strategize too much, and you should try and be as relaxed as you can, but keep some interesting things to yourself at first and uncover them only a bit later.
If you have some interesting qualities, you might just give subtle signs about them, leaving more to be desired, so they will get intrigued and interested to find these things out.
Just be careful that you don’t do too much of this because if you show too little of yourself, the person you’re talking to might get the impression that you don’t want them to meet you at all.
4. Don’t Be A Jerk
Now, this one might sound a bit harsh, but sometimes it happens that the ghosting was actually a very logical consequence of our own actions, whether it was on purpose or not.
Ask yourself, were you responsive to messages? Were you invested in the conversations you had and the things they told you about themselves? Would you start the conversation sometimes, or was it always them who had to initiate things?
It’s important to look back at things from a bit of a distance and see how they actually went.
Sometimes, one thing simply leads to another, and people get ghosted.
Maybe it was a stressful period for you, or you were too busy and in too of a chaotic schedule to see that you might not have been the nicest person out there, and that happens in life, and it’s OK.
But then, it shouldn’t be surprising that something like ghosting occurred.
5. Don’t Give Up Right Away
As most of us nowadays live with a hectic schedule on our backs, it doesn’t have to mean that the person has permanently ghosted you just because they didn’t respond for two to three days, so firstly, you will need to stop panicking.
Then, just simply continue the conversation, and try putting a bit more into it.
Your effort might spark things even more, and they might get even more interested.
Or, if life got a bit chaotic around them, they will probably be glad to see that you reminded them of your existence and, more importantly, that you remembered them while they were in the hectic situation they were in.
Or, it could be that they are simply that kind of a person who is not that talkative but is a good listener, so it just might be your role to do most of the talking.
My point is, if you get paranoid just after things got the slightest bit different, it might be just that – that you got paranoid.
So it’s important to keep going and see how it goes from there and not give up right away.
6. Make Mutual Friends
If you’re already close to getting serious, and you even want on some real-life dates together, there is the possibility of meeting their friends.
If you become one of them and they start seeing you as a great addition to the group, you are saving yourself from ghosting in two ways.
Firstly, they might like you even more and want to keep you close simply because they like to be around you, so ghosting will definitely be out of the way.
Secondly, now that they feel that you are a bigger, more committed part of their life, even if they stop liking the direction that this relationship is going in, they most likely won’t just ghost you and disappear out of the blue.
They will sit you down and have a talk about everything.
If you become a part of the friend group, their friends will ask them about you, and it would look very bad on them to tell their friends that they just decided to ghost you.
This way, it’s way more likely that they will be willing to put more effort in.
And also, imagine if they ghost you, and then you all meet on the same night out in the same friend group, which is bound to happen if you make friends with their friends.
That would be very weird and uncomfortable, and no one would do that to themselves.