CHAPTER 10 – Mutual Future

CHAPTER 10 _ Mutual Future

Being in a long distance relationship is definitely something that takes a lot of work, but, if done right, it is something that is definitely worth every second of it.

And every time you feel lonely, just take a step back and look at a fuller picture, at what is really at stake here, and what is it that you are cherishing.

You go through all of these things to eventually be with the person you love.

And even though it is hard at times, it is truly something that will help you make your relationship stronger and more powerful.

If you are good when you are apart, you will certainly be good once you are together too.

And so, if you have made it this far – through all the troubles, communication, fights and arguments, awkwardness during visits, heartbreaks after them, the time apart, and all the rest that makes these relationships so hard – it is the time to start thinking about mutual future.

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The Future Ahead

Why do you invest in something today?

Simply: so you can enjoy it tomorrow!

And the same thing can apply to your long distance relationship. The efforts that you put into the relationship today will bring the two of you more happiness tomorrow.

Now, not every couple goes through a challenge as big (or long, to be precise) as the distance between. So, to go through all these challenges and overcome them successfully is already a huge plus on the whole relationship you have.

Now you know that you are strong and that you can withstand many different challenges, even when the two of you cannot be together every day.

Those couples that have never gone through long distance might not be as confident in their relationship as you are now that all of this is coming to an end.

Remember that all of your efforts are like little investments – the more you give, the more you will get back in the end.

So the next time you feel lonely and sad that there is no one to hug you that day, or when you get frustrated because the Internet connection is lousy, just take a deep breath, and remember that there are better days to come.

When you keep the bigger picture in mind, it will be easier to make decisions that will feed the long term goal and not just satisfy you in this minute.

And know that if you stop putting the effort in your relationship, your partner will likely do so too. So never forget to cradle and cherish what the two of you have.

Even though these relationships can be hard to maintain, when yours is growing, and you know it, it will only become easier with time.

Keys to Success

Maybe you have heard some pieces of advice from your friends or the people they know who were in a long distance relationship, but have in mind that no relationship is the same and that the things that have worked for them do not mean that they will work for you too.

You will have to come up with your own tactics for survival!

Maybe you will decide never to fight over the phone but to use e-mail instead. Maybe you will do just the opposite. Different arrangements work differently for different people.

What is important is that you two have open communication and that you believe in the success of your relationship enough to put up with all of the lonely time that you will have to go through.

Here are some of the key rules to make it work:

1. Have a set of rules

Once you start your long distance relationship, it is important to work on establishing some ground rules that both of you will follow in order to make the things easier for both.

How often will you call each other, how often will you go on dates, when will you see each other, who will visit whom, and all of the other things that should make functioning in the relationship easy should pre pre-set to some extent.

Of course, as we previously said, these are more of an outline and not a tight schedule.

So if your partner doesn’t give you a call at 8 p. m. sharp, don’t throw a tantrum but talk about your rules instead.

2. Develop independent lives

What is harsh truth is that you will be spending a lot of time apart?

So, instead of waiting for the next time, you two will see each other, develop your own life.

Start some classes, get into shapes, go see a play or a movie, spend some more time discovering the city and reconnecting with your friends and family.

Keeping yourself busy is just as important as respecting each other and following the rules you have set.

3. Talk about the future

Don’t forget to talk to your partner about the future ahead of you. Especially when you start feeling lonely and grumpy.

These conversations will help you see the bigger picture and stay strong for what is ahead of you and what is yet to come.

4. Have a plan

And while talking to your partner about the future is of great importance, so is setting some mutual plan that will be waiting for you at the end of the road.

And while your priorities might not be the same from the start, know that these change and you should definitely work on creating a mutual one if possible.

5. Share experiences daily

Relationships all around the world are based and built on shared experiences. And that is one of the things why these relationships can be so challenging.

Sharing can be difficult when you are hours and miles away from each other.

But with all of the technology available nowadays, try to maximize the number of experiences that you and your partner share every day.

Share a funny video that you saw, make a picture of the meal you prepared, share new music and movies. Take vacations together.

These shared experiences are something that will feed the bond that you have and make it stronger and worth fighting for.

6. Have “relationship talks.”

Every relationship has problems, but no problem is impossible to overcome if the two of you share and talk about it.

You can talk at the end of a long day while both are lying in bed about things that work for you and things that can be better.

Or you can schedule these conversations once in a while, just to check up on the happiness of your partner and brainstorm any suggestions for how you two can make this thing work and improve it.

7. Be romantic

Couples who decide to start a long distance relationship often believe in romance and in faith that put their love to the test, if it wasn’t what brought them together in the first place.

So, do not forget to cherish this romance that the two of you have going for each other.

Send postcards, love letters, and care packages.

There are many ways to be romantic and to enjoy the relationship that you have. Never forget to pay attention to the romance as well.

8. Trust each other

Most people say that distances make the hartto grow fonder. But it surely makes jealousy grow stronger too.

And trust can be hard when your person is not that close for you to keep an eye on them.

But if you want for the relationship to work, you have to trust each other and have open communication that will take all of your doubts away.

So, introduce some honesty into your relationship and talk about your feelings and doubts if there are any.

There is No Problem Too Big

Almost any problem that the two of you might have is possible to overcome.

And no one knows this better than long distance couples, who have already solved one problem in their relationships – and that is the separation. When you managed to overcome all the problems and stayed together no matter the distance, you will feel much more confident to overcome just about anything.

You and your partner managed to beat all the odds and stay together no matter what challenges life has put in front of you.

Be proud of what you have accomplished, and do not lose faith in you or the utter understanding of importance on working on your relationship even further.

And when a new difficulty arises, know that you and your partner have already accomplished something big as a couple and that the two of you, together, can do so much more.

Where will the future lead you?

In the best case scenario, it will lead you to a big and happy farewell to the distance separating you. For good!

If you haven’t made any plans yet, it is the time to start thinking about what tomorrow will bring your way and how both of you will conquer it.

Who Will Relocate?

When you put the relocation into practical terms, there shouldn’t be much doubt about that.

And, of course, it depends from relationship to relationship.

  1. Who has a better paid job?
  2. Who can work from home?
  3. Is someone still in college?
  4. Is there a family member to take care of?
  5. Who owns a house and who rents it?
  6. Does anyone suffer from neophobia?

If one partner in a long distance relationship has an inflexible situation, the other one will have to think about making some necessary steps to get together.

The question of relocation might be the last decision that the two of you will have to make as a long distance couple.

Once this one is solved, the two of you will not be the long distance couple anymore, and the sweet problems of love will be so much different.

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Negotiation Tactics

It is only normal that neither of the partners is that happy to pack up all of their life into boxes and say a big goodbye to their friends, office, house, pets, neighbourhood, favourite coffee shops and restaurants, and everything else that makes one’s life.

This can cause a “relocation frustration” even when you know that you are about to move to the person you love more than anything.

So, this is where negotiation tactics step in.

When it comes to long distance relationship relocation, you must be aware of some mind games that your partner might play, as well of those that you might play on them.

1. Know the hot buttons

When you know your partner’s hot buttons, you will know where to press while the two of you are negotiating on this sensitive matter.

Maybe your partner loves how close you are to your parents and grandparents.

So you can use this while negotiating and say something like “Well, my folks are getting older, I really wouldn’t like to be far away from them when they need me.”

2. Buy some time

When the tension is raising high or when there is an ultimatum set from your partner’s side, take some time to step back, relax, and take a deep breath. Maybe even add some humor to the whole thing and laugh a little about the decision that is ahead of you.

After all, this is a big one to make, so no wonder if you are a little nervous.

Suggest sleeping on it and have some time to think about yourselves. Maybe a solution will just pop up on its own.

3. Keep it nice

Have a decent and open communication.

Use active listening and assertive communication. Do not attack your partner, and use “and” instead of “but”.

Ask them what they would do if they were in your shoes.

This will show that you are taking their opinion seriously and it can help in better outcome of this problem.

Preparing to move

Once you have this decision sorted out, it is time for you to start packing your things and say goodbye to your old life.

Do not fear! You are about to start building a new one with your beloved partner.

But, know that the very fact that the two of you will be together doesn’t mean that all will be good and easy. You will still have to build a life on your own, separate from the life that your partner has.

After all, you can’t spend every second of your lives together.

Here are some guidelines for you:

1. Look for a new job in your new location

First of all, you can schedule a meeting with the superiors at your old job.

Talk to them about the place you are moving to, about the market there, and ask if they know anyone whom you might turn to to ask for help.

Of course, don’t ask them to find you the job – that is something that you will have to do on your own.

But asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, so you might as well try and get some useful information from them.

At the end of the meeting, you can even leave a resume for them in case there is an opening that they know or hear of.

2. Start building a support system

Start looking for places to see, clubs to join, organizations in which you can volunteer.

Once again, it is not a bad option to consult people at home if they know someone or something that you can meet and do there.

If not, do your own research.

It would be much easier to start once you are familiar with what is waiting for you and with what you can do to get your life back to normal.

3. Go big or go home

Well, you will definitely go to your new home, but why not go big too?

Prepare a big goodbye party with your friends and family there and let them know how much you will miss them (and they you).

But don’t forget to keep communication with them too. And don’t forget to share your new address and needed information with them.

Happily ever after…

Congratulations! You are now in a close range relationship!

With reading this guide thoroughly, you can consider yourself a PhD in Long Distance Relationships.

Now use your knowledge, and start feeding that relationship you have.

Even though your relationship is much stronger than it was when you started reading this guide, know that there will still be problems and obstacles that you will have to overcome.

Be prepared, buckle up, take a deep breath, and push on through.

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