Chapter 5 – Asking Him Out


Here it is, another one “it’s what guys do first” things. Well, not anymore. Luckily, things have changed a lot in this field.

It’s the freedom that comes with modern times and definitely not something that only men are allowed to do.

A long time ago it was a taboo, a shame asking a guy out, it was not a moral thing for a lady to do so.

However, technology made it much easier and encouraged ladies to be the first ones to ask guys out.

Similar to swapping phone numbers, it’s hard to tell whether the moment’s right or not. But, like in that case, there are some signs and signals that might be of help.

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When to ask a man out online

Again, there’s no perfect formula, it’s an individual guess game. The basic logic is don’t do that too early, but don’t wait too long either.

The truth is, it’s not quite smart to do upon accepting to chat with each other. This way, you will give the impression that you are desperate, masculine, and aggressive.

That’s definitely not the goal!

So, you have to follow the entire communication closely, and you will be able to feel and know if the moment has come.

Here are some of the positive signals that may indicate it is okay to ask him out.

1.    You care about each other

If your convo goes beyond favorite book, movie, food, it’s a sign that things are heading towards some deeper level of connection.

If you noticed that he regularly asks you how was your day and is eager to listen and give some meaningful comments, it shows that he cares about you.

It implicates that he is polite and willing to share the thoughts and feelings with you, which may be a sign that you two are ready to meet each other.

2.    You feel that he’s too shy to ask you first

There are plenty of signs clearly showing that you are ready to meet with each other, but he simply won’t mention the date.

Some men are simply shy and are ladies can make it easier for them if they initiate the meeting topic first.

3. You are curious to see him

It’s not just a matter of appearance, but more than that.

If two of you are having a nice convo, you naturally become curious to see if things will be the same when you meet in person. 

How to ask a man out online?

There are many different approaches, but which one you will choose is an entirely individual thing.

If you haven’t done that before, then you will opt for some ordinary and direct lines, such as:

“Hey, wanna go on a date?”

“How about a coffee on Friday afternoon?”

Moreover, you can implement that question somewhere after two or three “How are things today?” lines. It will be a kind of surprise, and it won’t feel like pressure.

If you have some creative option in your mind, try the luck.

Men like women who are creative and innovative and this can boost the chances that he accepts the invitation. 

For example:

“I have heard that XY has amazing ice coffees, but I’m not sure how to get there. Wanna show me?”

These are just some of the ideas, there are many more besides and which one will be the chosen one is entirely up to you. 

Difference between a date and a meet

It’s of vital importance to know that the fact that you are actually meeting with someone, doesn’t necessarily mean you are on a date.

So, no strings attached!

You two have just decided to move to the next step and meet face to face so that you can get to know each other a bit more.

You don’t have to feel the pressure that something is supposed to happen when you meet him. Though texting can create an illusion that you are already in a relationship- you actually aren’t, remember that!

It’s just a friendly chit-chat in person, an opportunity to see if he really is a kind of guy as he presented himself on a profile.

Don’t be afraid if a sudden moment of silence comes or even a slight misunderstanding while joking, it’s so natural.

After all, even guys can be shy.

The fact that you two exchanged some thought that is slightly intimate over messages doesn’t mean you will be able to share those in person.

And, to make one thing clear, by “intimate” we certainly don’t mean the naughty ones only.

But simply some details that you share with some people and with other don’t, like the fact that you cried because you accidentally spill coffee on your blouse, or because the movie was too sad and similar.

What comes first- a date or a number?

The experts are pretty much divided on this one.

One group believes that meeting with each other in person is the best way to see if there’s chemistry between you two.On the other hand, the other group advocates brief pre-date phone call as a nice way to check if the guy’s okay.

The decision is entirely up to you. It’s hard to make a common rule, as each guy (and a girl) is a story for him(her)self.

It also depends on you and your feeling which one of these is a huger step for you.

One thing for sure, prolonging things and bothering your mind with assumptions and guesses will only make things worse.

It’s so natural that you are curious to find out what’s he like, so go for it!

Whichever of the two options will help you get to know him better, feel free to make the step.

If there’s some chemistry between two of you, it’s okay to check whether it’s only an online or a real one.

What do men think about it?

To encourage you a bit, dear ladies, we did brief research to find out how do guys feel and react when a girl asks them out.

You will be glad to know that men see it as a refreshing course of events and quite a natural step in these modern times.

Some men are even thrilled when ladies initiate the date, as it gives the impression they are strong-minded and confident. Some guys see such ladies as extra seductive.

Men also approve such move as it shows that a lady is not bound by the traditional gender roles.

Moreover, man will find it pleasurable as it shows that a woman is into him. They find it flattering.

They support ladies’ braveness to be direct and open and risk the rejection.

As many men are poor at reading signs themselves, they feel relaxed when women bring up the meeting subject first.

And above all, they all say that genders are equal and, in the end, it doesn’t matter who initiates it, as long as both sides want it.

What to do if he’s not the one?

Do know that when we say “the one”, we don’t only mean your future boyfriend or husband, but even the one that you want to have the next coffee with.

Sometimes it happens that despite the good vibes you exchanged on some online platforms, reality turns out very different.

It’s either his voice you don’t like, perhaps he has some strange habit of picking his nose without being aware of it (nervousness, perhaps?) or something else, and you cannot imagine meeting him again.

If that’s the case, there is really nothing that forces you to see him again.

There are two ways to tell him that:

  1. When the meeting is over- simply use some pleasant sentences to tell him that it was okay, but you don’t feel like meeting him again.
  2. Via message- if telling something like that in person is too direct for you, then sending a message is absolutely a good option.
Whichever you choose, do know that even if you were the one to ask him out first, there’s nothing to prevent you from opting out first as well.

What if he says no?

You finally did it-you asked him out!

The butterflies in your stomach are going crazy, your hopes are high and then- he says no!

No matter how much time and energy you invested (and courage as well), he’s simply not interested in going out on a date with you.

Instead of bursting into tears as the world has come to an end, move on.

It happens, remember that, there’s really nothing tragic about it!

That’s the risk that comes along, and the good thing is that there are still many men out there you can get in touch with.

Think of it as a user experience that brought you new experience and knowledge.

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