Hi guys, welcome to another informative piece where we’ll be talking about helpful online dating tips on how to avoid dating stress.
In today’s article, we’re going to help you understand:
Let’s get started on the negative effects of online dating and how to avoid online dating burnout.
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Making Online Dating Count
We believe that dating should be nothing but fun, exciting, and something to savor.
But that’s not the reality for a lot of people.
In fact, our researchers discovered it can be pretty terrifying for some, while some others say online dating is depressing.
So many questions, doubts, and fears race through your head that you are utterly unable to enjoy what could be an excellent experience.
The truth is dating can be incredibly intimidating and nerve-racking.
That is why a lot of us avoid it for so long.
We continue to be nervous about online dating and ask questions like:
- Am I interesting enough?
- Have I asked enough questions?
- Would my Mom like him/her?
- Is the venue nice enough?
- Are they bored?
- Have they noticed how sweaty my palms are?
- Should we kiss?
- Is this just a waste of everyone’s time?
While online dating is meant to be an interesting way of connecting with people outside of your comfort zone, it takes extra effort to put up the courage to meet this person for the first time, start a conversation, and find a common ground to keep it lively and try to find out if that is the “person”.
As with so much in life, overthinking is your enemy when it comes to dating.
Easier said than done, but stop analyzing.
Thinking fuels anxiety directly in all areas of your life, and “social anxiety disorder (social phobia) is a mental health disorder,” according to an article published by the National Institute of Mental Health NIMH.
So when you allow your brain to go into overdrive, all you are doing is giving a platform for your thoughts to feel more real.
You start to think about how to meet up with this person, and you immediately start to question your self-esteem and get anxious about meeting offline with your potential date.
From our experienced perspective, overthinking will make it difficult to connect with the right person due to unnecessary anxiety.
We understand nerves are healthy, but how do you try to keep a calm mind and keep the anxiety from taking over?
Well, it’s time to consider some expert tips on how to handle the effects of online dating.
Six tips for getting over your dating anxiety
Okay, so you have been talking to somebody for a while after meeting online and have finally set up a date.
Now you’re starting to build up nerves thinking about the date and planning the visit.
Here are some recommendations from our relationship experts for you to calm down.
1. Don’t go on the date
This may sound silly, but nobody should be made to feel like they HAVE to do something (especially if you don’t want to).
Our research shows a huge connection between social anxiety and dating.
We all get that dopamine rush when we get a notification of any kind on our smartphones.
This has become more rampant since the advent of swiping apps like tinder, bumble, etc.
Honestly ask yourself if you’re doing this for the right reasons?
But in the course of the lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many people have developed social anxiety about dating.
This has become a huge problem for online daters and their dating experiences when it comes to meeting face-to-face outside the dating sites.
If you felt a little bit of something nice when you spoke with your date beforehand, that’s a good sign.
And if you felt something strong, then you may not even get anxious about the date.
If you’ve been set up by a friend because they think ‘it’s what you need right now,’ but the reality of what you need right now is a DVD box-set and cuddles from your cat, do that instead.
This is important if you are getting bad vibes on the date so as not to fall for the antics of a scammer.
2. Breath before you leap
Consider the amount of time it took you to get your dating life back on track in the first place.
You surely don’t want to ruin this because you’re nervous about meeting an online date.
So, make a deliberate effort to breathe deeply and calmly.
Preparing in this way activates the body’s stress-releasing mechanisms and a calmer you is a good thing.
Before you arrive, take some deep breaths in, hold them for a second or two, and then extended-release of breath.
This is a proven strategy to distress in any situation you find yourself been overly anxious.
You might feel a bit stupid sitting on the bus doing this, but I can guarantee you that you won’t be the weirdest looking one on public transport.
3. Get active
Firstly, you must do everything to avoid ‘Interview’ style dates over a table because these are only going to highlight your anxiety .
You, them, a candle, and just your chat to fill the silences.
Suggest an activity date when meeting people for the first time IRL (in real life).
Walking, exploring the city, comedy club, or some feature restaurant where there is stuff going on like Teppanyaki.
We’ve discovered that these take the pressure off any quiet points in the conversation and allows other avenues of chat to open up without you doing anything.
A pigeon dancing like MC Hammer is conversation gold for example (this being an example of a distraction if you went exploring the city).
Hopefully not in the Teppanyaki restaurant.
Also, work to improve on your social skills of having a beautiful conversation, indoors or outdoors.
This also passes a message to your partner that you are an interesting human being looking for love or some real connection.
4. They are NOT ‘the one’
Because it probably doesn’t exist.
7 billion people on the planet and you are hoping to bump into ‘the one.’
Not going to happen (sorry to burst your bubble like this).
So rather than putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, and them, take a breath (metaphorically and literally) and approach the date differently.
Rather than ‘I need to make a great impression as they might be ‘the one’’.
Think ‘this will be fun, I could get along with them and who knows where it may go.’
We strongly suggest you go with the second approach as it’s much more healthy, more realistic, and immediately takes the pressure off.
They could well be ‘one of’ the people you are compatible with amongst the 7 billion to choose from, but ‘the one’ is a fairy tale that makes dating way more terrifying than it needs to be.
During our extensive search for answers, this turned out to be easily the least helpful question anyone could ask themselves in any given scenario.
‘What if…?’ questions will only allow an anxious brain to take worse-case scenarios and start to treat them as fact.
What if I accidentally spit food on them?
You almost definitely won’t.
What if they notice my spot?
Oh my God, you’re not one of those freaks that gets places are you?! (let’s do a quick survey of the 7 billion people on planet earth to see how many of them have ever had a spot!).
What if he/she is the one, but I’m too nervous to make them laugh?
If they are ‘the one’ (See point 4), then you won’t feel nervous because you’re so compatible.
Be present at the moment.
Deal with only facts and what is happening at that time, and try as much as possible to eliminate all assumptions.
We know this is not easy to do and takes practice, but you will be a much more calm person when you learn to do this.
Remember: what’s already happened can’t be changed, what is yet to happen is unknown, so you shouldn’t be worried about it.
Rather enjoy the now as it is the only time that will bring happiness.
You have succeeded in the hard part of getting together online, now is not the time to crush your self-worth.
This is the time to call your friends, plan the visit with or without them and enjoy your time.
6. Manage your expectations
They may well be beautiful to look at.
They may well have seemed entirely in control when they asked you out.
They may well have a fantastic job.
But believe me, they have stuff going on too.
In fact, EVERYBODY does!
Going into a date from the angle of ‘I must impress them’ only adds pressure to you.
If self-doubt and anxiety are something that you struggle with, it can only seem natural to be a bit self-deprecating and assume an ‘inferior’ position.
Our ultimate advice is, don’t do this to yourself.
They may be better at pretending and presenting the best version of themselves, but they too will have hang-ups, fears, and dramas in their life.
Enjoy the date, keep your head up, and never look down on yourself.
The approach we used for this article was by carrying out in-depth research on the relationships between online dating anxiety, social anxiety, depression, and mental health.
We combined these with our experiences in the dating world to come up with conclusions on:
- What causes online dating stress
- How social anxiety disorder can be managed
- Experts opinions on dealing with dating anxiety and depression
- Helpful insights from organizations that deal with social anxiety disorders and mental health issues
Frequently Asked Questions
Dating can be and should be, fun.
Nothing more, nothing less.
But understand this isn’t always the case and a lot of people struggle with online dating depression.
We do hope these six tips helped you with your online/first-date success.
Just let go and let whatever happens happens.
At the end of the day, nothing bad will have happened.
Check out the hottest dating profile article on the internet: the ultimate guide on how to create a successful dating profile.
The guide is guaranteed to help you step up in your love journey.