What is the longest you’ve ever waited for a text back? It can be sometimes very frustrating when waiting for someone to text you back.
Is there a limit to how long you should wait?
In this article we’ll discuss:
Let the texting test begin!
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Beautiful, yet frustrating.
Do you agree?
Of course, you do, otherwise, you wouldn’t even be here.
Have you forgotten how frustrating can it be?
Let me remind you, and later help you avoid the frustration and become the master of texting girls.
Let’s dig in.
The Frustration of waiting for a text back
Imagine this very basic scenario.
Everyone has been in this situation at least once (quite a few times more than once, but let me be optimistic here).
And the thing about this example is-it is universal.
This happens when you are on Tinder or when you meet a girl in a bar or a club or a library, and even with your own girlfriend (hopefully only at the beginning of the relationship though).
This rarely happens on hookup sites (like BeNaughty or Ashley Madison) but more likely to happen on sites like eHarmony where people seek serious relationships.
And what is that?
Things seemingly go perfectly while you are texting back and forth, and then she goes radio silent!
Now, you’re playing it cool for a few minutes, maybe even hours.
“No big deal, she will text back.”
Then a few more hours pass, even days sometimes, still no response – the anxiety begins o show its ugly face.
“Is she avoiding me? Did I say something wrong?”
Things get even worse if you see she has been online, on even left you on ‘seen’.
Your ego is at stake now, you get angry and get a burning desire to let her know she has crossed some imaginary line and timeframe you expected her to answer.
What do you do?
Waiting for a girl to text back is the subject of this text, but maybe not how long should it take for someone to text you back since that depends on her, but how long to wait for a text before giving up.
You know, so you can keep your ego in check and your anxiety level low.
The problem with this is easily explained.
Nobody likes to be ignored but we react differently.
Girls, they will probably just forget that you even existed and will not bother replying to you after some time they have declared an appropriate period to wait.
They get so many messages on Tinder anyways to sit around and stare at the screen waiting for you, specifically to reply.
She has her hands full to start with.
Unless a girl is really pathetic or a complete uggo, and you are her only option, in which case you do not even want to text her, to begin with.
You do not trust me?
Check the statistics of the average number of matches and messages girls have versus guys.
Guys, on the other hand, have a few instinctive reactions to being ignored, and we are here to ‘cure’ you from them, or at least keep you from reacting this way since those reactions basically lower if not destroy your chances (unless, again, a girl you are interested in is a complete mess).
Read on to see what you could do wrong if you behave instinctively.
Mistakes guys make
When the girl leaves you hanging, waiting for her to text back usually makes you want to do one of these things.
All of them are a product of either the fact that you really, really like her, or your need for attention, or, well, fill in the blanks yourself; you know why you want her to respond so badly.
The mistakes are not ordered by the cringe factor, they just happen naturally based on your personality and motives.
And, be honest, at one point in your life, you have done at least one of these things.
1. Take an aggressive approach
Lashing out is never the answer to successful communication.
And why do you think that taking back compliments and insults would help you get a normal response in the first place?
Let me give a few examples:
If you compliment her by saying she seems like a nice person and that is the last thing you typed, it is not ok to send something along the lines of “Or maybe not” if after a few hours or even days she does not answer back.
The same goes for texts like “It is polite to say thanks when somebody pays you a compliment”, and especially for texts like “Answer, bi*ch!”
Even if she was busy with work, traveling, or whatever she was up to, and still planned to text you back when she got the chance, the odds for that are slim to none now.
In the slim chance, she answers you now and not blocking you right away you would get a response along the lines of a flat ‘ok’, ‘Dude what’s your problem?’
‘Cause, nobody needs a drama queen in their life.
She will just continue swiping and messaging somebody who does not act all psycho.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment, would you answer nicely to something like this?
2. Guilt trip
A complete opposite from the aggressive approach when you get all “she takes hours to text me back” anxious is taking the guilt trip.
What is the example?
Apologizing as if you had killed her puppy: “I’m so sorry, have I offended you somehow?
It always happens to me, I should just never try dating ever again…” and so on.
You get the idea, right?
Let me ask you something: What are you trying to do here?
Get her to answer you with “Hey, don’t be like that, let’s have coffee tomorrow.”
Not gonna happen.
Again, drama queen alert.
The best-case scenario, if she’s really patient this can happen “Don’t be like that, someone will come your way, but it is not me.”
This approach also blows it.
Neither of these two approaches will pass.
Nobody, and I really do mean NOBODY wants to see this in their inbox.
They want fun, wordplay, teasing, sharing…
There is a mistake you can make even if you managed to wait for her text without going psycho on her. (I will tackle the question of “should I wait for her to text me” later on, so stay tuned.)
3. Needy and clingy
So, she answered. And you are excited.
And that is nice.
But then you go and answer the text the second you receive it and be all like “I’m so happy to hear from you again”, “I missed you” “There is no woman more beautiful than you” “Oh, thank God, you’re okay, I was so worried” and so on and so forth.
You think it is great to show appreciation like that, meanwhile, in her mind the cringe factor skyrockets.
If you have texted for a few days you are not worried if she does not answer, you are bored and horny, and you do not miss her.
The thing is, she KNOWS that.
So -bye, bye boy.
(If she’s your girlfriend and she has gone without texting for more than usual, then you are entitled to this feeling.)
Also, showering her with dozens of messages an hour only tells you you are clinging and have no life of your own.
Do you honestly enjoy the incessant Tinder beeps when you are on a meeting or in a bar with your guy friends and accidentally forgot to switch to silent?
Well no, it is disturbing your routine, and does not allow you to continue with your day (I mean unless you are the bragging type).
Anyway, girls usually have options and she will opt for someone keeping her on her toes, and not a guy who spills everything out, right at the start.
Reasons Why She Is Not Answering You
To set your mind at ease, let me remind you that the fact the girl you were texting with is not replying to you, sometimes has nothing to do with you per se.
She can like you very much and still take hours to respond and there are quite a few reasons for that from practical to emotional ones.
She’s been busy
Is she in college, does she have a job?
Maybe she has a paper due, or a deadline, or a promotion coming up, or a colleague has called in sick so she has to pick up the slacks, or…
Well, you get the idea.
She literally may have a hard time reaching for her phone and respond to you as promptly as you would like in order to feed your ego and your soothe your worries.
She has a life of her own.
Aside from work and school, she may need to run some errands, do the made-of-honor stuff, look after her niece, or something.
You may even cross her mind yet she has no time at her hands and is waiting for the opportunity to relax and get to texting.
Imagine her surprise when she does get to her phone and sees that you did something like offending her or overwhelming her.
Like that is what she needs after a long, hard day (she has a boss or a bridezilla for that, man).
She got into a fight with her family.
She is “those” days, does not feel sexy, and can’t have a decent conversation with another human being without crying. (You send her a photo of your dog, she cries over how cute Buddy is, and you think she’s psycho- yes, taking a few hours off from texting keeps her from scaring you away).
Not to extend the list of possible personal issues that can befall her- life can happen and you know it, so leave her at that.
Because how stupid would you feel if you lashed out and she tells you “Dude, my grandma died yesterday.”
She is not interested
To paraphrase a famous movie title “She’s just not that into you”.
Yap, that can happen too.
I am very sorry to burst your bubble but not every girl on this planet will like you.
She may think that you look good on Tinder photos, or in real life, she finds your hobbies interesting yet there is no spark, you do not tickle her fancy.
Everything is lukewarm instead of being hot.
If that happens on a real-life date, either you have no game, or she doesn’t, in which case you can possibly do something after a while, or there is simply no chemistry between you- you know, pheromones and stuff.
If, on the other hand, you are texting stick around to get some advice on how to spice things up.
She is cautious
This, my friend, is the most important thing you need to understand.
Girls hear about (internet) predators all the time.
They are warned not to talk to strangers, and how nasty boys can be from the moment they get their first kindergarten crush.
And what are you to her?
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She knows you from your photos or a short convo (one or both of you may have been drinking).
And, you are probably not the first she’s been chatting with, so she starts wondering if she is rushing in this (again).
She may have been hurt before, or she thought that someone was a great, funny guy but he turned out to be a psycho.
What to do?
To put it as a brute: Get a life!
Seriously, go out with your friends, clean up your apartment (way overdue, right?), call your mom, watch a movie, go for a run…
Do whatever you think of besides texting her.
Especially if you are getting angry or hurt or frustrated. Wait it out.
The answer to ‘should I wait for her to text me first?’ is yes.
Now, don’t get me wrong, you will not be waiting for a long time.
How Long to Wait Before Texting a Girl
I have heard this question more times than I can count – from the people paying for advice, through my friends and even my brother.
The”she didn’t text back how long should I wait?” angst is real, and you are not alone.
If you are wondering how long is too long to wait for a text you have come to the right place to get the answers.
I will give you some options here since there is no universal rule that works every time and with every girl.
There is no magic trick.
And, to top it all, dating coaches’ opinions vary.
Which is why you can get a coach of your own to help you in the specific situation you are in.
Meanwhile, check this out and give it a go, try what works for you.
Option 1 – The 24-72 rule.
How long should I wait to text her if she doesn’t text back?
Wait up to 3 days to send a text after she has gone silent on you.
This is not a strict rule, and it does not work every time, because maybe she will not text you at all after you have sent that last message.
In this case, move on.
Why wait for three days?
First of all, you will avoid appearing needy and creepy- which will make her trust you a bit more.
She will think that you have a life or even other options – which is where her ego comes in.
She will have enough time to finish all that she needed to do and, if she liked you at all, she will text you back.
Option 2 – The mirror technique
This is quite simple – mirror her responding patterns.
If she takes a few minutes to answer as prompt as she is.
If she takes hours, well, do not open the message but wait for an approximate time.
This goes for days as well.
This approach will make you seem mysterious, and your conversation will be balanced which can make her think that you are on the same wavelength.
Needless to say that that helps with your goal.
Option 3 -Ask her out without hesitation
Another popular opinion is to ask the girl out and not wait for her to text you at all.
This will spare you of the wandering completely
The trick with this approach is the timing of your question.
You have chatted for a while, and there are two instances in which you should react.
Either the conversation is going great and you are having fun or the conversation is dying out and you need a salvation maneuver.
When things are rolling- ask her to take the fun to the outside world.
There is no need to give you the catchy phrases here since you are already doing well.
When the conversation is dying say something along the lines of “Listen, I’m more of an in-person person, and texting is not really my thing.
Would you be up to meeting me?” and to avoid being boring and cliché, add a joke like “But, first you need to PROMISE me that you are nor a psycho with a knife”.
Play with gender stereotypes and common dating warnings.
Cling onto something you have talked about and make the joke apply to you.
With asking the girl out, out is important never to do this at the very beginning of the conversation-she will think that you have only one thing on your mind and you will be deemed creepy and aggressive and will blow your chance to ever get to where you want with her.
Avoiding the Problem
To get your game on right from the start and keep her wanting more of your text here are a few proven advice.
Get to know her
This does sound quite obvious, but if you notice that a girl likes a certain TV show, or has an interesting hobby, use it to keep the conversation going.
Say she likes Game of Thrones.
Open with: I hope you will not wear my face on our first date as Aria could.
She thinks you have things in common, she knows you can joke and she will catch on you assuming that you would go on a date.
Running jokes are even better than one-time bursts of humor.
Let’s take the same situation- The GOT girl.
Instead just asking “Hey, what are you up to now?” Ask “Out and about channeling Aria again?”
It should put a smile on her face and prompt her to answer you.
Teasing is dangerous territory, yet if kept in terms of wordplay and puns, and just making her think about that without sounding genuinely creepy and pushy, teasing can be a fun way to boost your conversation.
Keep it decent, and if you notice resistance, pull back.
Go over the top
Use capital letters to emphasize that you are joking.
This actually goes well even when she texts her after you have been waiting for her text: “OH MY GOD. I CAN FINALLY PULL THE SCOTCH TAPE OFF MY EYELIDS. I WAS FRAID I WOULD FALL ASLEEP AND MISS YOUR TEXT!”
She will know you did not actually tape your eyelids, she will get the message that you waited, and the exaggeration will seem charming.
When she asks you perfectly normal first-date questions answer something completely absurd and possibly a bit naughty.
If you are a teacher do not say you are a lawyer, but you can say that you are teaching 2nd grade kid spies.
After a while, it is important to get real.
You can’t spend days SCREAMING on her phone.
Dial it down, and ask her out. Get real but save the important and serious stuff for a real-life date.
There is no exact rule that says how much time it should pass between texts.
I have given you some tips, and tools and rules and everything you need to tailor your conversations to where you want them to go.
I have also tried to confront you with some ugly truths so, make a mental note to move on after a few days if she does not show interest.
Do not beat yourself (or me?) up.
There is no cure for bad chemistry, but there are other girls.