Whether you’re an expert flirt or just trying to learn the basics, the guide is for you.
We’ll cover the dos and don’ts of flirting on Tinder.
Today, you’ll learn:
Let the flirting begin!Take our dating app quiz to find out. People who follow our app recommendations have an average of 2 more dates/casual meetups per month.
- This article on Tinder is part of my larger Tinder hub (50+ articles)
- Pick up my free Tinder opening line formula to easily 3X your response rate.
- Guys: I suggest Tinder coach if you want to increase your matches
How to flirt on Tinder
1. Research before you start the conversation
Tinder has become a household name in the dating world, with so many people using it for flirts and hookups only.
Starting something is always the hardest part, but you have to do it to get what you want.
Tinder is an app where matches are based on looks, and maybe the bio in some cases, but that is not the end.
The conversation is what’s going to determine whether you get that date or not.
Usually, it’s the guys that send the messages first, although the opposite might happen sometimes, but very rarely.
Most women don’t want to message a guy first, so there’s no point in sitting down and waiting for their messages.
Instead, you have to be the one who starts the conversation.
Your first message is the first impression she’ll have of you that is not just based on your looks.
This is where you should get creative and make her interested enough to continue the conversation.
The most important rule here is to never send generic messages that you saw online because chances are she’s seen them too.
Instead, go into detective mode and take a closer look at her profile to find some inspiration.
Personalized messages are always appreciated because they show that you want to get to know her better.
Take time to figure out if you have something in common or if there’s something that she seems to be genuinely interested in.
Also, a good trick to make the message more personalized is to use her name in it.
If her profile is too generic and there doesn’t seem to be anything that you can start a conversation about, try opening with a funny joke, or even a GIF.
Also, it’s always good to have some opening lines ready just in case, and don’t be afraid to recycle them.
Some other good first-message-rules to follow are to never be too vulgar and don’t compliment her looks.
But before you start remember that the start of the conversation determines the rest of it.
Do you want to have some fun and tell her some jokes?
Or do you want to be flirtier?
It’s all up to you, just don’t overdo it.
2. Don’t be boring
Now, this might sound a bit rough, but when we say don’t be boring, we mostly mean don’t be generic.
As we said before, flirting online isn’t easy, but you aren’t making it any easier for yourself when you just send her a single boring “Hey”.
And this is just for the start of the conversation.
Sending messages like “Hey”, “Hi”, “How are you?”, or even just an emoji might seem like a good idea because that’s how you would usually approach a woman in real life, but online flirting just isn’t the same.
Think about it, how do you even reply to just a “Hi”?
You could just say it back and continue the conversation, but it will likely just set the tone of the conversation to boring.
When you’re flirting online you have to make up for the physical tension that would exist in real life, so you have to go all in.
Even if you can manage to get yourself out of the sinkhole that is the “Hi” opening line, you still got to stay interesting enough to continue the conversation.
Girls don’t like guys who are too serious, so quit the boring questions and answers, you’re not at a job interview.
It takes two to have a conversation, and you have to actually try if you want to get the date with the girl that you like.
3. Ask interesting questions
Asking questions isn’t just a great way to start a conversation, it’s also something that you use to keep it going.
Like we said before, start by taking a closer look at her profile to figure out which questions you should ask her.
Is one of her photos taken on a trip to an exotic location?
Is it taken at any place that you recognize?
Does one of them seem to have a great story behind it?
Or does she have a cute pet that you can ask about?
The better her profile is the better the possibilities.
Once you start the conversation it should flow naturally, and asking questions is just a part of that.
But you can also make a mistake here.
For example, we already said that you shouldn’t be boring so don’t ask her questions that can have just a one-word answer.
And remember, this is your way to get to know someone enough that they want to go on a date with you, it’s not a job interview.
On the other hand, asking a question can be tricky because it gives no info about you.
This is why it’s a good trick to find what you have in common, ask her a question about, and then answer it yourself, after which you can repeat the question.
This is a great way to make her interested in you while urging her to continue the conversation at the same time.
Of course, if her profile doesn’t give you enough information about her you can always ask some generic question and rely on your sense of humor once the conversation starts.
In this case, you could also ask her a “would you rather” type of question, or use some of the more non-serious ones that you have ready.
4. Everybody likes compliments, so give her some!
Giving people compliments is the biggest part of flirting, whether it be real-life flirting or Tinder flirting.
Everybody likes compliments, especially girls on Tinder.
You like compliments too.
Outright complimenting somebody shows them that you like them, which encourages them to continue flirting with you.
Compliments just boost your ego and make you more confident, it’s like getting an award and you’ll always want more.
Once again, take a closer look at her profile or your messages, find something you genuinely like, and compliment her about it.
It could be her smile, her humor, or any part of her personality, it’s your choice.
However, never compliment her on her physical attributes, especially not in the first few messages.
Besides the fact that this is usually something kept for later, you should also know that she’s most likely not going to like it at all.
All of those other things about her and you tell her that she’s hot?
It’s better if you keep that for yourself, at least in the beginning.
Telling her that you think she’s hot is just going to make her think that you’re only here for her body and not who she is a person, and then she’ll unmatch and you’ll lose your chance.
5. Show confidence
There’s nothing that girls like more than a confident man.
It shows them that you’re strong and stable, and it makes them want to get to know you more.
However, you have to take care not to overdo it.
Even though girls like a confident guy, they really don’t like a cocky one, and there’s a difference.
The main difference between confidence and cockiness is in the subtlety.
When you’re confident you don’t have to scream it from the top of your lungs.
On the other hand, cockiness makes it seem like you’re all bark and no bite, and it’s going to make her unmatch from you and move on.
Well, unsurprisingly, messaging her first and showing that you’re interested is just the tip of the iceberg.
Another way to show her that you’re confident is to be direct about what you want, and you want her.
However, showing her that you want also has to be done in the right way, otherwise, it’s going to seem like you need her, and that’s not confidence.
You can show her your intentions by adding them in the messages that you send, but always be subtle.
For example, maybe she tells you how she’s in a choir, which means that she can sing well, and you add a little cheeky “I can’t wait to hear that!”
This gives a promise of a date and shows that you’re confident enough to know that it will happen.
Besides, showing someone that you want to go out with them and get to know them better is the ultimate compliment.
It’s basically telling them that they’re intriguing enough.
Another way to show confidence is to just be assertive enough in the conversation, but also make fun of yourself a bit.
Both of these can be overdone so watch out.
We mentioned this before, but asking a question and then answering it is a good way to be assertive, and so is leading the conversation.
The good news here is that usually the one who starts the conversation continues leading it.
This will make you stand out from the rest of the guys messaging her.
6. Don’t rush it
One of the biggest Tinder texting tips is to never rush the conversation.
And why is that?
Texting is the time to get to know each other, not just a way to set up a date.
As we said before, flirting in real life is easier.
There are many things that you have to make up for when you’re flirting online, like eye contact and physical touch.
Texts can be interpreted in many ways, and most people just read between the lines but don’t get the right message.
These, along with some other things, make up a list of reasons why you would want to ditch the texting and set up the date immediately, but that’s the wrong thing to do.
For ladies especially, texting is how they figure out whether it’s safe to go out with you or not.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who catfish or prey on women online.
On the other hand, you might be talking to a catfish yourself.
Some accounts on Tinder just throw red flags around, but plenty of people still fall for it.
So, first and foremost, you have to build some trust between the two of you before you go out on a date.
If you immediately go in and invite her out you’ll just seem suspicious, and she’ll probably stop messaging you altogether and maybe even unmatch.
So take your time to determine whether the two of you are even slightly compatible or not.
Maybe you’ll even find out something about her in those first few messages that you don’t like at all.
Swipe flirts can be hard, but it’s the necessary step.
Also, never talk about feelings, not through text, and not at the beginning.
It’s a big turnoff, and it makes it seem like you’re in a rush.
7. You don’t have to be perfect
We know that we just gave you all of these tips on exactly how to be the best Swipe flirt, but the truth is that nobody can be perfect.
You won’t always have the right message ready, and sometimes you might even figure out a good opening line to use when you’re already a couple of texts deep with that person, but this is all just a part of the process.
And although being perfect might seem like just the thing that all women will fall for, some of them might find it suspicious.
So, don’t worry, and just be yourself. Showing a girl that you aren’t flawless can even make you seem kind of endearing.
Here, let’s start with the example I’ve given earlier. You match with a girl, you go through her profile, find something and start the conversation.
It’s going well, but then a part of your brain realizes that there’s an even better opening line that you could’ve used.
So what do you do?
Should you just continue the conversation and have that thought nagging at your brain?
Of course not.
Instead, use it to your advantage.
When the conversation starts to dwindle text her “Hey, we gotta stop and redo this I just thought of something else”, and then tell her the new pick-up line.
Now, you might be thinking that this ruins the smoothness, but not everything can be too smooth.
Show her that you’re funny and spontaneous, and even confident, by doing this, and she’ll definitely be interested and want to get to know you better.
7. You don’t have to be perfect
Everybody knows that flirting isn’t easy, but it’s also not something that you should overthink.
Flirting with the person you’re interested in should come naturally.
So just relax and go with the flow, because you never know where it might take you.
In addition to that, the reason why overthinking is bad is because it shows.
The girl that you’re texting will definitely notice that you’re trying too hard.
It won’t be an actual message, but more like a feeling.
This could also make her suspicious.
Are you being weird because you’re a catfish or a predator?
Make sure not to give off that vibe.
Although, there are plenty of reasons to be stressed when flirting with someone on Tinder.
You don’t know a single thing about them and the only way to communicate is through a couple of lines of text at a time.
But, one of the best Tinder messaging tips for unwinding and remembering how to be yourself is to go through messages that you have with your friends.
This will make you realize that you actually do know how to text, you’re just thinking too much about it and creating unnecessary tension.
Also, flirting is a risky game.
One wrong step and you’re out.
But although this seems like a cause of concern, you should also remember that you have to take risks if you want to get the prize.
So, just be yourself, and if she doesn’t like it you’re not going to enjoy being with her anyways.
9. Know when to quit
Unfortunately, not everyone is meant to be, and you should know how to spot some of the warning signs and exit the conversation.
Let’s start with an obvious one: it takes two to flirt.
If you’re asking her a bunch of questions and she just replies without adding anything else to the conversation, you should probably end it.
She’s either not interested or she doesn’t know how to text, but why would you spend your time and effort on her when the right one could be just one swipe away.
SO, if the conversation is dead, just leave it.
It can also happen like this: you match with a girl, you like her, send her a message, and she doesn’t reply.
Like, at all.
What do you do?
Some guys might send her a paragraph of text and be rude, but there’s no need to do that.
She’s obviously rude, but she’s also not worth it. You’ll move on to some greener pastures anyway.
Last but not least, what do you do when the conversation seems to be going well, but somehow not well enough?
It’s always hard to leave a conversation that just seems to be going nowhere or that just dwindles down and dies, but the good news is that both of you can feel that.
You just have to be the one who pulls the trigger and leaves, making it better for both of you.
10. Asking her out
Even though rushing the conversation can also be bad for you, so can taking too long to get to the point.
Just talking online isn’t enough to be sure whether you’re compatible or not, and you should never keep the end goal out of your mind.
And remember, the end goal is to get a date.
Now, chatting online is just small talk, and that’s hard to start again.
So, once you chatted for a while and the conversation starts to dwindle, and you get all the signals that she’s interested in you, ask her to go out with you.
You can say stuff like “We can continue this conversation in real life”, or “Can’t wait to hear about that story when we meet” if she mentioned something interesting.
And if it seems like she’s up for it you’re almost good to go.
However, here’s the last of the texting flirting tips.
Always set the date and time for the date immediately after this.
This way you make sure that she’s actually interested, make yourself look more confident, and confirm the date.
Also, don’t forget to ask for her phone number so you can text her the day before to make sure that you’re still up.
These are all the tips that we have for you that will make your Tinder flirting easier and better.